There is often a gap that consistently exists within us.
A chasm, it seems, between who we really are and who we want to be.
A space separating the version of us that currently exists and the version of ourselves we aspire to become.
A friend reminded me recently that both of these are real and valid. Yet, I find myself constantly wishing or reaching for a better version of myself, often without taking in all that I’ve grown to get where I am now.
I just know I could be accessing more…so much more.
The list goes on…
But the longer I sit and dwell on what I am not, the more apparent the flaw in my logic becomes. I begin to examine my weaknesses and develop goals and plans for growth all while missing something crucial in the process…
I’m planning without Him.
I see my own weakness and all the places I need “fixing”, and I feel myself spiraling when I can hear one small and familiar voice-“…but you’re overlooking one very important gap. A filled one.”
And I realize, I’m flawed in many areas, but where there was the greatest gap, God came and filled it Himself.
Yet, here I sit. I stumble, I miss the mark, and instead of making leaps toward the woman I want to become, I crawl. It feels heavy and sometimes embarrassing.
Until I recognize that maybe, just maybe, those moments of weakness carve out a route toward Him too.
Maybe it’s in these seasons where God chooses not to catapult us into completeness, or time-lapse us into deliverance, that in our crawling, we discover something He’s been trying to teach us all along- dependence.
That in this season I’m supposed to crawl, but not towards her, the ideal version of myself, but towards Him.
These are the seasons that build us. They are undesirable and sometimes beyond overwhelming, but through them, we trudge a well-worn path to the Savior. A road that we’ll know well enough to nurture in seasons of victory and that will become familiar when difficulty once again comes.
A season of growth developed in the forge, creating not the person we’ve always imagined, but the one we never could.
A version far better, and one much more reflective of Him.
I won’t for a second pretend that God enjoys our hardship or portray a God that inflicts pain. No, instead, I want us to see a God that understands the broken world in which we live and instead of retreating, draws us closer still.
So how do we bridge that gap?
We don’t. Well, not alone that is.
We trust God to be the bridge He’s always been, and instead, we draw lean into Him, and we pray for strategies to implement that match His character. We learn to trust His timing as He develops those things in us.
We trust His yoke- His life and His lessons.
We lean into His ways and pray for His counsel.
Through it, the study of His character, and trust in His timing, we’ll discover the person we don’t just dream of being, but the one we were designed to become.