Such is the confidence and steadfast reliance and absolute trust that we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are sufficiently qualified in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency and qualifications come from God. He has qualified us [making us sufficient] as ministers of a new covenant [of salvation through Christ], not of the letter [of a written code] but of the Spirit; for the letter [of the Law] kills [by revealing sin and demanding obedience], but the Spirit gives life.2 Corinthians 3: 4-6 AMP
Does anyone else get overwhelmed sometimes with all the feels? I mean, like all of the emotions for everything seem to seep in and attack all at once?
That’s where I am this week.
My oldest, my sweet sweet girl will turn 7 in just a few days. It levels me that I’ve been doing this mama thing for 7 years now and feel absolutely no better at it than when I began. Well, maybe just a little.
It’s crazy to me that my concerns for eating and sleeping have morphed into prayers over anxiety and teaching emotional resilience.
I have three girls now, and as a girl myself, I honestly whisper from my heart to God that He chose the wrong one. I’m not girly and y’all, it’s way too much hair over here- I constantly feel behind.
Even worse my brokenness seeps into every aspect of my days. Though I am up to my eyeballs in therapy and healing processes, my missteps are reminders of just how far I have to go.
Add in a pandemic, personal loss & death, trauma, international crisis that I feel powerless to change, and challenging transitions both good and well, otherwise. Oh and of course sprinkle, no pour, all of that over the ever-present weight of being black in America (especially in very diametrically opposed evangelical circles), and well, life swarms in and just overwhelms me sometimes with ALL THE FEELS.
So many feelings. So much uncertainty.
If I’m honest and not using the Christianese the church sometimes teaches us so well, I’m reeling trying to catch a grip on reality.
But underneath, I know the drill. I recognize under the grief, shock, and ever-changing climate remains one central theme –Am I enough?
Can I love my girls and lead them well enough? Can I really raise children rooted in Christ and assured that the unique way He designed them both inside and out is utterly breathtaking? Can I really complete this ministry task? Am I really the right one? Maybe there is someone else more qualified or better suited?
I quietly ask these and dozens of other questions about my own adequacy, and ultimately my security.
But then, I pause.
I take in the scene before me. Children laughing and playing in the simplicity of childhood, completely carefree. A few friends gathered to celebrate this milestone sharing a sacred space after over a year of separation, and in those moments, in that pause, I breathe.
Deep slow and centering breaths as I remember I am someone’s child too.
Someone who calls me by name, who never abandons or deserts me. Someone who isn’t afraid of my big emotions, or my overreactions to seemingly small things that are really camouflaged triggers and trap doors into my trauma. One who isn’t nervous when He sees me and entrusts a piece of His world, His creation into my hands. One, who instead sees me as a whole being, and a worthwhile partner in bringing a portion of His Kingdom to earth.
When days are overwhelming and the feels threaten to consume, find space to breathe in the truth that we are forever His, more attended to and cared for than we do our own.
Our confidence and steadfast resilience comes from Christ. We won’t find it in ourselves, but in the holiness of God alone.
That truth alone can give us the footing we need to begin again with Him.
So today, take time to breathe deep in the goodness and truth of who He is that we all may continue to walk out the moments that may come with the One who overcomes.